The first couple days, I was kind of like, “I don’t really know what I’m supposed to get out of this. I know I’m supposed to be here, but I don’t really know what’s going to happen or what I really need in my life.” 

I was coming for my mom because I knew she wanted to come. Then, as you do everything, little by little it’s like this onion that keeps getting peeled. It’s not this dramatic, “Oh my gosh!” Little by little, you have these amazing little experiences.

One of the things I’ve struggled with most in my life is faith. How do I know this is all real? How do I know that this isn’t some made up story? I pray all the time and do all these things, but it’s hard for me to really feel. 

There are so many things that I’ve heard, between Mirjana’s talk, knowing what she went through and what all of them went through. It was so important, what our guide Miki taught us, his wisdom, everything about the culture, helps you see how difficult this all is. All these pieces have to come together to make you realize how important and how real this is.

It’s not like a normal retreat where you go and it’s almost forced, “We’re going to do this and then this.” Here, it just kind of happens, but I think the key is you have to do as much as you can. You have to go to the Evening Prayer Program, you have to go to Mass, you have to do the things because God is using each of those things to peel those layers. 

Have I had some massive miracle? No, but, for me, it’s strengthening my faith.

Last night was the most amazing night ever. That was the most amazing Mass I’ve ever been to. There were so many people. I have goosebumps right now thinking about it. This is amazing. There is no denying what’s happening here and the fruits. People just wouldn’t be here. It wouldn’t happen.

Then to see the reverence. People here, they understand that this is a vocation. They have been called to do this, to take care of these pilgrims. They take it so seriously. 

It was the most beautiful Mass. The choir was like angels. Then you had this big procession with the statue of Mary and all these white roses and they’re walking her all around. Being with all those people and doing that all together then having adoration, it was everything. Mass was almost two and a half hours but it felt like a minute. 

I will always be able to remember this and that God is dong something here.

God takes time. He doesn’t do things in a minute. There are so many pieces He’s getting lined up. Miki explained the history. It’s hard to see things in the moment, but he explains things over time. Now pilgrims are allowed to come and priests are allowed to lead pilgrimages.

God puts all the little pieces together. When we were sitting at the table you said, “You know this message is for you. When you’re here, this message is really important for you.” If you hadn’t said that, I don’t think I would have realized that. I wouldn’t have taken this so seriously. I wouldn’t have been so moved by this. When they read the message, that was the biggest miracle for me, hearing that message, because it affirmed everything I’ve been feeling for the last couple years. I know something is going on. I know there’s all this bad stuff and the devil is not hiding anymore. I never noticed that before a couple years ago, but now I really see it. 

I’ve been trying to pray because I know that’s what we’re supposed to do. I’m going to try to pray the Rosary and go to daily Mass, but I’m like, “Is this helping?”

Then, last night, that message was confirmation that we are on this team, especially us here that were at that Mass last night and heard that message. I was like, “I’ve got a mission. I’ve really got to do this.” I don’t know what is going to happen, but I do think I have to be on the team. 

It was exactly what I needed to hear. It was so helpful for me to hear that. 

Here, you have these people that their whole life is focused on God. They have their priorities totally in order. 

I try so hard to keep my life in the order that God wants. It’s just that the devil is everywhere. Here, you can feel it’s like this bubble. These people are not afraid. They’re not afraid to pray. The people in the procession, kids, no one was complaining. I’m seeing these ladies in horrible sandals, and they don’t care. They’re just doing it. They’re on a mission. I love that.

Every Rosary we say, every prayer we say, takes on so much more meaning. Sometimes you can’t see the fruits in the moment, but you can look back and see how your prayers did things and changed things.

That walk was inspiring for that. These people are so devoted. I don’t know how I’m going to translate this to my life when I get back to America, but I hope that I can bring just a little bit of this to people. I think we are called to do that, anyone that comes here. 

Especially when you live someplace like I do, until you do something like this, it’s really hard to understand that we can’t keep living the way we’re living. You’re going to have to change your life to get that feeling of peace that these people have. 

One of the things I learned when I went to confession was the most important thing for me is to let God love me the way He wants to love me. He loves all of us so much, but I have to let down those walls. I’m always try to do, do, do, but I have to just be and let Him love me so that I can then give that love. That’s definitely the message here. It all goes back to love. 

I hope that whatever love and graces I’ve received here, that I can spread that love to the people that I come in contact with and they can just get a little sliver of the feeling that’s here.