In August 2011, I accepted an offered plea for a crime that I did not commit. 

I was in front of a statue of Jesus. I had the opportunity to either go to prison, go on probation, or fight it. From the cross, I heard, “Go to prison. You can help someone there.” 

On my way out of the church, my mom was standing in front of the statue of Mary, and I asked her, “What did you say to her?”

She said, “I just offered you to your spiritual Mother.” And ever since then, I’ve been under Mary’s mantle. 

When I got to prison, I went to the chapel and asked if there was a position that needed filled, and there was a chapel librarian. In there, they had the story of Medjugorje. I read that, as well as 80 or 90 other books, the Catechism backwards and forwards. I read the Navarre Bible. I had a divine inspiration to follow our Mother. 

For nine months I was the chaplain librarian. Then they changed positions. I was praying the rosary, and I asked God to teach me patience. The next day the guards sent me to the education building where I was going to be a teacher for inmates serving life sentences. That taught me patience.

There was a time in the cell in July 2011. I stood in my cell and said, “Dear God, I’m sorry I haven’t done anything good with my life. Even the things that I did do good, I didn’t do it in Your name. But if You want me to continue living, if You could just show me a sign, I promise that I will do Your will and devote the rest of my life to whatever that is.” 

When that happened, I got my light, so to speak, in the cell. All of a sudden, I just went wholeheartedly into our faith and started studying it, reading the Bible backwards and forwards and working with other men.

Matter of fact, there was a priest, I was doing confession and before he gave me absolution, he told me, “God’s really close with this one. I’d better be careful.”

I was like, “Uh oh, what do you mean by that?”

I was there 40 months and 20 months on probation.

Then the first thing I wanted to do when I got out of prison was I wanted the Eucharist. They did bring the Eucharist, but I could only get it once a month, twice sometimes. 

This couple moved in with my dad, Ray and Diane, and they always talked about Medjugorje, and I’ve wanted to go. That was in 2015. Unfortunately, being out of prison, I only had $75 to my name. I couldn’t do much. 

What I started to do for the next five years or so, I would go make amends to all the people that I hurt or that I might have offended. I’m a recovering alcoholic. I’ve been sober over 12 years. In that time, I hurt some people so I made amends to my mom and dad and brother.

Then my estranged daughter asked me to come back to Missouri. I came back and started my friendships again.

God has taken away my struggle with alcohol. I don’t even know if they make the stuff anymore. That’s kind of a slight joke. I know they do, but yeah, I have no desire for it.

Alcoholics like me, you don’t think you’re hurting anyone except yourself, and it’s not true. When I realized that I was actually hurting people with my drinking, that scared me.

My last drink was on July 27th when I realized I don’t want to hurt people anymore. That was two weeks before prison.

I went to a priest and I did my whole life confession. I gave him everything for an hour and 55 minutes. It’s kind of like having cancer. You get it all out. I did that, and that’s when the craving for drinking left. The only reason we drink is because there’s an emptiness inside of ourselves. Instead of filling it up with alcohol, I filled it up with God. I didn’t do it on my own, that’s for sure. I’m not that smart.

I’ve been under Mary’s mantle. Ever since my mom gave me to Mary, she’s been protecting me. 

When I got here to Medjugorje, it feels like home. I have that inner peace. It just feels like I’ve been on a journey to get here. There’s no better way to say it, I’m just home.

I stopped living for tomorrow and I started living just for this moment, always doing the next right thing, whatever that is. I ask to imitate Jesus every morning in every thing that I do every day, to help me and guide me. It’s made me a new husband. 

My wife is from Poland. We had met three years ago. She speaks Polish, immigrated there, and she knows my love for Mary. I now have stepchildren. I’ve been reunited with my daughter. I have a grandson now.

I always wanted to meet Mirjana, at least after I read her book. I wanted to touch base with all those places. I didn’t come here to meet Mary. I didn’t come here with a group of friends. I just came here to become a better Christian, a better person. I believe that’s the purest reason you can come here. 

Walking up Apparition Hill at 4:30 in the morning and doing the Stations of the Cross, that was probably the best feeling I’ve had so far. I was in heaven, nothing existed except God and I.

In Medjugorje, the greatest gift, the greatest grace that God has given me is the grace of knowing my total self and how I am in His eyes, the truth about me and the truth about us. That’s pretty much what I got. That grace to know my weaknesses, to know my character defects, my virtues, I have a couple, I think. To look at myself and say, “Okay, this is who I am. Where does God want me to be?” And to be able to follow that path.

Here, you have a chance to bare your soul with a confession, you have a chance to pray, and you have a chance to imitate Jesus by being courteous with others and taking advantage of every moment that comes to you.