I first heard about Medjugorje through my sister, Jess, when she first came here to do the Apparition Hill movie. Our mom had heard of the opportunity and was like, “You’ve got to do this! I know about this place, and this would be perfect for you making movies!”

So she came back and told us what she had experience. She’s a naturally cautiously skeptical person so I just believed fully in her opinion of it. She very calmly just said, “It’s real.” 

Even knowing that and having a really strong relationship with the Blessed Mother, I was never really drawn to coming I think because it was just out of the question. I had all my kids. It just wasn’t good timing. And I really do think it’s true what they say, that you come when the Blessed Mother calls you. She has to invite you. The time was right and you kind of get that feeling like, “Okay, it’s time.” 

I went through a hard time in my personal life, but my spiritual life just flourished in that period. I clung to the things that I knew about my faith and had already had a really strong foundation but needed a life raft in that moment and it definitely started with the Rosary.

I actually started in a Rosary group, saying it every day online and listening to their testimonies. The struggles that I had in my life, I really identified with being a mother with Mary. She came to me in those moments that were hard.

It was actually in that Rosary group that I was praying and it just happened to be Immaculée Ilibagiza. She was praying a Seven Sorrows Rosary, and then at the end she was calling all of us that were listening saying that Our Lady of Kibeho had really conveyed in her messages that we were all called to make pilgrimages, large or small.

At the same time, a dear friend of mine was very interested in Medjugorje and was totally gung ho about coming. She was like, “We have to do that together. That would be so fun.” 

That paired with the things that Immaculée said about how you’re going to have all these excuses. You’re going to say, “I don’t have enough time. I don’t have enough money.” And when you finally decide you’re going to go, all those things are going to fall in place. And that’s exactly how it happened for me. 

I saw a spiritual advisor before I came. He had been on many pilgrimages before. He’s a deacon at our parish, and he said, “The number one piece of advice I can give you is have no expectations. Don’t expect anything from the food to the people that you’ll be there with to what you will witness when you come because the Holy Spirit works in His own time, in His own way, and our expectations are just roadblocks to that.”

Medjugorje is peace. It’s palpable. From the moment you drive in, you can just feel it in the air. It’s such a stark contrast to the pace of life at home. Even the structure of this pilgrimage for me, being able to have my own time. I mean, I can hardly sit through a homily and listen in Mass with all the kids. Then to go to daily Mass here and all these talks. I was never bored. I was soaking it all in. 

Any trip, I like the unexpected moments, the unplanned things that come up. There was a break in the rain when we all looked at each other and were like, “The sun’s out! Let’s go hike Apparition Hill.” That was really amazing. I would just so happen to walk with this person or that person and have a really great conversation.

We had tea with Father Robert, and he really encouraged me to think about if I was really picturing the baby that we miscarried being in heaven some day. He said it was kind of my responsibility to figure out what her name was, and that she’s going to greet me in heaven. I need to be able to greet her.

He said, “You really need to pray about that, and you should go to the Blue Cross to do it.” Jess and I went the next day.

I always wanted a Lily. With each of the boys, that was the girl name. If it’s a boy, it’s this. If it’s a girl, it’s Lily. And it kind of passed down as each one was a boy. Then when I got to my daughter, Josephine, it wasn’t on the list, not because I didn’t like it. I just knew Josephine was Josephine, and it wasn’t Lily. And I never knew why.

Then when Father Robert said that, I thought, “I’ll go to the cross with an open mind, without expectations. Everyone’s leaving flowers and candles, and if I see lilies there, I’ll know.” And so I prayed over that thought. I kneeled at the cross and a few minutes passed, and it’s like roses and irises and tulips and pansies. I’m like, “It’s none of those.” 

And then this little sweet baby came and ran up right next to me. And their mom called them back. When I looked to my side at them, they moved, and there was a whole pot of Easter lilies next to the cross. And so then I knew.

It’s a girl. And her name is Lily.

The little kid had beautiful eyes and long hair, but I couldn’t tell if it was a boy or girl. I almost thought to ask the mom, “What is their name?” But as soon as they moved—and you know, lilies smells so strong, and the wind was blowing—it was like all the senses. You could smell the lilies and see the lilies. It was like, “Okay, talk about getting hit in the face.” 

It was hard not to feel starstruck with [visionary Mirjana] even though she doesn’t want you to. I’m reading her book alongside meeting her and just knowing she talks to my mom. It’s kind of, not jealousy, but you feel like, “I wish I could know her like that.” And she does!

And I just want to know everything, you know? What does she look like? What does she sound like? I want to know it all. 

Then you meet Mariana, and she’s almost what you picture of Our Lady—so humble and kind and beautiful and graceful. You can almost imagine a reflection of Our Lady in her.

I was asking her if she’s able to achieve in prayer the closeness that she achieves with Mary in her apparitions. She said, “The difference between you and me praying is that you believe that there is heaven, but I know it to be true.” It was just incredible. 

Think about your own relationships. Your mother is the person you confide in, and she doesn’t fix everything, but her knowing what’s wrong, just her knowing, makes it better somehow.

I always think of the wisdom that you will never love Mary more than Jesus loved her. So there’s no fear in that.

I want people to feel what I feel. I want to give that gift of peace and the love of God to people. I always want to come back to the Eucharist when things are hard, when you feel distant. That was the biggest message that I feel like I received here was that that’s the number one place. That’s where you meet Jesus. Whatever question you have, the Eucharist is the answer.

In the process of coming here, there were a lot of roadblocks and we had received this advice that wonderful things are happening here, grace-filled things, and the devil doesn’t like that and he will try to keep you from this place. Don’t let him. Not letting him will give you so much power. 

If you feel like Our Lady is calling you, don’t question it.